An Inconvenient Truth
by thats absurd.I LOVE IT
Summary: …Actually, multiple inconvenient truths. Some random ramblings mashed together on every body’s favourite CEO, Seto Kaiba.


Been reading A LOT of Yu-gi-oh! fics recently, most with the egocentric CEO included, and I've finally decided to put some of my thoughts of him into words. Created for my own amusement, so OOC, but funny. (I hope…) Not a song fic; (because I hate them) the song is only used as a catalyst for other amusing events. Enjoy.

Disclaimer- Yu-Gi-Oh! is mine, ALL MINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! …Eh, who am I kidding? I'm just some broke loser that doesn't own anything! And yes, that includes Yu-Gi-Oh! and 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' by Cyndi Lauper. *sobs in her emo corner*

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_Italics- Song lyrics__ and/or thoughts._

_-_

An Inconvenient Truth

…_Actually, multiple inconvenient truths. Some random ramblings __mashed together on every body's favourite bastard, Seto Kaiba._

_-_

A funky, strong beated tune was heard, just audible over the hum of the computer hard drives.

_I come home in the morning light,_

_My mother says 'When you gonna live your life right?'_

A teenager stopped in mid-step, and cursed under his breath.

_Oh mother dear, _

_we're not the fortunate ones,_

The youths cursing grew louder as he frantically searched for the device, desperately trying to stop it before his manly pride was crushed any further. Not to mention his flawlessly upheld image. Flawlessly upheld, that is, until now.

_And girls,_

_they wanna have fu-un,_

He felt the stares of his peers burning holes through his back, as one by one, they realised just where, and from whom, the famous 80's feminist anthem was coming from. He ignored them, and with a mental sigh of relief, he sighted the cause of his embarrassment.

_Oh girls,_

_Just wanna have fun_

Fumbling in haste as he snatched it out of his briefcase, the CEO of Kaiba Corp answered his phone.

'Mokuba?'

'Hi Seto, how's school?'

The young genius felt his Kaiba senses tingling. Mokuba calling him up just to ask about school? That's very unlike him. Mokuba after all, knew from experience his brothers unchanging response to that particular question.

'School? What school? Oh, you couldn't possibly mean that joke of an institution run by morons to so call 'educate' mentally defective imbeciles, could you? Well it's great, just superb.'

Seto's voice, dripping with sarcasm, was enough to silence the few fools that had the nerve to snicker at him. Doing a mental checklist, the influential billionaire kept track of the names of those chortling minority. With his IQ of 140, he'd remember those names, at least until he played his favourite stress relieving game- Ruin Other Peoples Lives.

'Come on Seto, it's not that bad. Think of Yugi and the others, they're good people! Why don't you at least try to be friendly with them?'

Kaiba sighed. How was it that Mokuba somehow always found some way to twist any conversation to talk about his non-existent social life? And it was not as if he didn't have time, or the skills for social interaction. No, Seto Kaiba just didn't want friends. In the cold, cruel and monopolizing world that he lived in, having alleged 'friends' was suicide. Trusted family like Mokuba was one thing, but having a circle of friends was unreliable. Who knows what secrets they could unleash on the corporate world, effectively ruining him, his company, and more importantly, Mokuba? No, friends were definitely something that people like Kaiba didn't need, didn't want.

'If you didn't realise, I'm a little busy running Kaiba Corp to even think about such trivial issues, Mokuba.'

Seto heard Mokuba groan. Apparently his little brother wasn't impressed with his last statement.

'You need to live for something other than work Seto!'

'I already do, Mokie. I always have, and always will live for you.'

Seto heard an army of synchronised gasps, and consequential contended murmurs from the adoring female population around him. Instinctively, his back straightened, posture perfect.

_Why the hell did I say that__ in public?! Get a grip on yourself Seto; you are a successful businessman, not some soppy teenager!_

He chided himself on his blunder, and cleared his head. Mind now devoid of any sentimental thoughts, Seto decided to get to the point of the conversation.

'Mokuba, if you have nothing else significant to say, I'm hanging up. I'll be home in a couple of hours, I have some business to attend to.'

'Wait! Seto!'

'Yes, little brother? Do you have something to ask of me?'

Kaiba smirked. He'd caught his brother off-guard. Again. Not that he wasn't smart, of course. Seto had long since realised that Mokuba had the same brain capacity that he did, it was just that irking his brother was one of his small pleasures in life.

'Ummm, yeah. It's just that I reallyreallyreally wanna go to a friends house. So can I? Huh? ?'

A bead of sweat ran down the formidable entrepreneur's brow. He could almost feel the puppy eyed look that Mokuba was no doubt giving him, radiating from his phone.

_Damn, and I thought I could win this time. Especially since I can't see him, I thought I would be able to resist his pleading powers! Apparently not._

'Fine, but be home by seven or face the wrath of Hobson!'

'Thank you! I gotta go and get ready. Love you!'

'You too.'

And with the issue of Mokuba dealt with, Kaiba hung up. He diverted his attentions to a more pressing matter.

You see, the stoic businessman had a secret. A secret guarded extremely closely. A secret unbeknownst to anyone other than a select few. Ever since he was a child, Seto Kaiba had a Cyndi Lauper fetish.

Seto knew that having one of her biggest hits as his ringtone was foolhardy, but the temptation was just too great to ignore. Not that he hadn't tried to resist. In fact, Kaiba had been to many therapy sessions throughout the years, to try and quell his unwavering obsession. It was all in vain however, and his Cyndi complex hadn't subsided, but grown even more persistent. Now, suppressing his urge to dance at the sound of her singing was almost impossible. Truthfully, he would have started jiving when he heard his ringtone, if the shock and fear of being found out had not frozen him to the spot.

Cyndi Lauper had taken over Seto's life.

_Why the hell wasn't my phone on silent?!_

With one of his biggest secrets revealed, it would be natural to panic, but Kaiba, being who he was, wasn't agitated. It was against his calm and collected demeanour after all. Mere distressed emotions were beneath some so great and magnificent like him!

Nope, Kaiba wasn't worried. Or scared. Even if this one blunder could ruin the rest of his life. He was completely composed, both on the outside, and the inside. And his mind was definitely not in hysterics, trying process what had just happened.

So when the CEO of Kaiba Corp purposely strode out of the library, trench coat billowing in its strange gravity defying way behind him, not a single soul thought that terrifying man was simply running away from his problems.

Certainly not.

All was silent in the library.

Until a single person muttered 'Doesn't he know that phones should be on silent in libraries?'

A few people sniggered. Others chuckled. Suddenly, the library erupted. Peals of laughter were heard throughout the school, echoing jovially in the corridors.

And that folks, was how 'The legend of Seto Kaiba's Sexual Orientation' was created.

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I started writing this as a one shot, but who knows? I may write a sequel. Perhaps.

So how was it? What are your thoughts? Review and get a (virtual) cookie!

-Absurdity


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